Cancer: March 2009 Archives

 WE need your prayers more than ever.  The first opinion on the latest latest MRI which I wrote about a few days ago is that I had
even more cancerous growth while I was on chemo.  It is growing into my
motor skills area of my hind brain Since NOVEMBER A new growth HAS GROWN
TO 3.4 centimeters.  We did not like that report and got a second opinion.Radiologist number two diagnosed brain necrosis, a radiation side effect but no new growth.  but recommended a PET scan as a dignostic tool.  I still needed treatment so we searched out the best in the west at UCSF and were told last night "the cancer is out of control" there is new growth and you need to start another type of chemo as soon as possible. Further radiation or surgery is NOT an option because of the  certain brain damage. that would result. 

HOPE AGAINST HOPE -- "To want something keenly even when the odds against getting or achieving it are enormous. The phrase derives from the Bible (Romans 4:18): Saint Paul is writing about Abraham, 'Who against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many nations, according to that which was spoken.'" From "The Dictionary of Cliches" by James Rogers (Ballantine Books, New York, 1985).

According to the first Radiologis'ts report My last MRI showed the chemotherapy did not work and while I was taking chemo a new tumor started growing into my motor function area of my brain.  That was the latest news from a few days ago......BUT  Hope against hope....
I got a second opinion yesterday  and what the first radiologist  took for new cancer growths, the second radiologists said could very well be scar tissue(dead cells) caused by the chemo and radiation..  A pet scan is recommended, but only a tissue sample can for certain determine if it is indeed dead cells. But this could be very wonderful news.  And the weakness on my left side could indeed be symptoms of the build up dead cells from the chemo and radiation instead of a new cancer. We are hoping to have the scans reviewed by a neuro-oncology team at UCSF and get their recommendation plan of action.
Wow!   What an emotional roller coaster we've been on lately! Since I know all things happen for a purpose I really want to do some deep thinking about what I just learned about myself these last few days.
 

  I am extremely tired of having cancer.  I am tired of starting another round of chemo every time I am finally starting to feel well and tired to be back to feeling awful once I'm on the chemo. I am tired of missing my sons' activities because I feel too sick or too exhausted to go. I am tired causing pain, worry, and anxiety to my dear family, each of whom have enough in their own lives without me bringing more.  I'm tired of the stupid  side effects: perpetual stomach pain, joint pain, increasing hearing difficulties, reading difficulties.  I tired of taking so many pills.  I tired that cancer makes me the center of attention, an object of pity, or the subject of gossip.  I want my normal life back please.

You are my King O God.
Command victories for me.
Through You I will live.
For I will not trust in my radiation
Nor shall the chemo save me.
But You can heal me.
In You I will boast all day long.
And praise Your name forever.